I recently listened to Christian counselor Gary Chapman speak on the different love languages that existed for each person. I then went online, took the test and found out that my love languages are “Acts of Service”, “Quality Time” and “Receiving Gifts”. The truth of the matter is, many times we feel unloved by our spouse or “our other half” because they do not know our love language. Maybe our other half feels the same way.
The question we tend to often ask is, How could he say I don’t love him/her when I buy gifts and spend quality time with him/her. The reality is that, maybe our loved one is a person who appreciates physical touch over all others that we have been doing. Fact is, we tend to be prone to showing others love by using our love language and that might not necessarily be appreciated. This may also be true for a child as well. Let’s explore the love languages as stated by Dr. Gary Chapman, some persons have one and some may have more:
Words of Affirmation:
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork
and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service:
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an Acts of Service person will speak
volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear are, “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them, tell those with this language their feelings don’t matter.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Discover Your love language or the love language of your spouse at: